Biggest Screw Up

I'm going to sleep. It is 2:58 am. I am a fat fucking loser. My stomach is pregnant with food. It is hard and it hurts. My mind is clouded with drugs and thoughts of regret. My body aches, my head aches, I'm exhausted, but I have slept for days. I am failing out of college as of right now. Is it due to the depression, the bi-polar, my mental issues, or is it because of the drugs and constant partying? I think the real question is: Am I doing the drugs because of the depression, the immense pain that thrives in my soul. The monster inside of me is making me fuck up. It is time to take control. I have gained weight because of this monster. My skin is broken out because of this monster. My grades are so low they almost don't exist because of this monster. This monster wants me to end it all right here right now! BUT I WON'T!!!!!!! I AM TAKING CONTROL! I am in control of my own life, not this monster.I will win.
I am going to sleep a fat selfish loser and I'm waking up at nine Am tomorrow morning and I am going to pick up what is left of my life and run with it. I will fix this. I will reconstruct my life.