long time..

Drew and I broke up, I've been eating too much fast food, I'm no longer on drugs, I moved into a house, I got a dog, I'm failing school, I'm falling apart.

I sometimes wanna die

I've been thinking about suicide. I kinda stopped taking my meds. I dont know what to do. Things are falling apart. I want to die.

McDonalds

Mariiiaaa maaddeee  meeeeee eeeeaaatttt mccccddonnnnaaallllddddssss.... 1000 calories. thats 500 for the day?

third time today?

This is the third time I'm blogging today and it's only 830 gosh. Um I went to the gym :) going to take that test now. :)

dreams

Am I dreaming? Am I really skinny? Does the scale read 90 pounds when I see 130? Do people see bones when I see fat? A yes to these questions is beyond reality. I mean no one tells me I'm skinny. THe pictures I see of myself are hideous. I think I'm disgusting, I'm trying to kill time before I go to the gym in a half hour. I haven't slept yet. I'm gonna blow a huge line before I leave. Maybe I'll go pick up some cigarettes or something too. I have a lot to do today. I need some coke for me. I hope it sells fast.
I miss Drew? Does he really like me? Is it really worth it? Why am I in a relationship with someone when I don't even know who I am? How does he know who I am? How does anyone know who I am if I don't. I will not be satisfied with myself until I am under one hundred pounds. I won't be satisfied with myself until I am perfect. I will never be perfect, therefore, I WILL NEVER BE SATISFIED WITH MYSELF.

suck

I've been eating like shit for the past couple of days. Haven't been going to class. What's wrong with me? I missed a test in Homicide and Serial Killers. I love that class. I'm dating Drew now. He got me a rose, acid, pot, and a bar for valentines day. So great. I have to make up this test at 9 am tomorrow morning. I'm starting to sell coke. I think I'm going to make a lot of money out of it and free coke. I need that. I need to start doing things right, so here is my plan for tomorrow:

1. Take that test.
2. Maybe gym. 
3. Class. 
4. Print out English paper. 
5. Gym?
6. Class. 
7. GYM. 
8. Buy/sell cocaine. 

the good the bad and the ugly

good: Didn't eat for like a week, gym everyday.
bad: Binged on ice cream, sushi, more ice cream, and m&m's.
ugly: Puked my guts out.