dreams

Am I dreaming? Am I really skinny? Does the scale read 90 pounds when I see 130? Do people see bones when I see fat? A yes to these questions is beyond reality. I mean no one tells me I'm skinny. THe pictures I see of myself are hideous. I think I'm disgusting, I'm trying to kill time before I go to the gym in a half hour. I haven't slept yet. I'm gonna blow a huge line before I leave. Maybe I'll go pick up some cigarettes or something too. I have a lot to do today. I need some coke for me. I hope it sells fast.
I miss Drew? Does he really like me? Is it really worth it? Why am I in a relationship with someone when I don't even know who I am? How does he know who I am? How does anyone know who I am if I don't. I will not be satisfied with myself until I am under one hundred pounds. I won't be satisfied with myself until I am perfect. I will never be perfect, therefore, I WILL NEVER BE SATISFIED WITH MYSELF.