my best friend, my boyfriend, my worst enemy

You are in the back of my mind twenty four hours a day. 

You always know what to do, what to think, what to say. 

I love you, I hate you, I'm fucking starving, exhausted, flying. 

You know inside that I am truly dying. 

You tell me to stop when I'm standing in line for a thousand calorie meal. 

I walk away and I know the amazing satisfaction I will feel. 

You keep me going when I'm going crazy at the gym. 

You are in the toilet when I'm throwing up, I watch you swim. 

You keep my secret, you tell me what to do. 

You know I am in love with you. 

You make me thinner by the minute. 

I know that I will win it. 

I will be fragile, sickly, perfect, beautiful, thin. 

I know that the sickness is starting to begin. 

Thank you Ana, thank you for all you are doing for me. 

Thank you for making my tired eyes finally see.